she woke up with a sticky ear
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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