"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
