Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
