i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
