i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
