I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
