Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
