I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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