I feel great
I just peed on a car
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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