Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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