I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
