is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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