My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
