he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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