All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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