i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
