Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
