whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
