the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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