The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The struggles of a small town man whore
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
