Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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