Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
