Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
