Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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