Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
