things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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