Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
