I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
