i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
