I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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