I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
