i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
