i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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