my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
