whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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