I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
