Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
