Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
