So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
