And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
