We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
