I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
A bitchslap is in order.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
