The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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