Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
