Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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