suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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