Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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