We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
