someone get that fucking seahorse.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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