Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize