I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
