Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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