I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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