I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
