SEEEEXXX PLEASE
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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