Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
