I bet he comes in French.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
