i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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