Non-Jews are for practice
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
