Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
