I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize