Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
