bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm bleeding and have questions
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
