Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
