There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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