I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the day after is always just damage control
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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