My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
bring money and cleavage
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
