it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
