there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
