I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
