when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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