Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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