I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize