LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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