Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
