Pants 0. Shit 1.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
