Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
