I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Randomize
