I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
