Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
